Retiring from The Rev

After I retired as an Economist from the USDA, I was sure nothing would ever change. Since starting the Rev, I used to feel like my life - especially my work - was a painting. And Im seeing now that I was struggling with letting that go to start a new painting. I look back to when I would work, write, think, relate, parent, challenge, connect, build, learn and love -- and I loved every second and did it with so much passion and purpose because ...It felt like I was using my life to paint a masterpiece. And, if you can imagine, it was like it was set to music.

It never occurred to me there would be more than one painting. And so when I had no more JOY in what I was doing, it didn't realize it was because the work (painting) was done. And I did what I always do...which is force. Push. Overcome. Yet, when I stood back and thought it through, I was missing the personal connection. The ability to work 1 on 1 with PEOPLE and see their greatness and pull it out and THAT is what I want to do. So, its as if its time to put the last painting on the shelf. It is perfect and it is done.

I have more work to do and I have joyfully (but with some sadness mixed in), retired as a gym owner. I have passed the torch. When I found a buyer who was not interested in forcing my clients and trainers through immediate and drastic changes, I knew it was the perfect timing! I did not want my decision to impact others who had trusted us for years! 

Because I have enjoyed and loved the journey, but most importantly the significant change for better life I've been able to be a part of for so, so many. A good portion who are still customers. 

When it began as a part time gig, I realized that while I had bitten off more than I could chew part time, so I went into constant overtime and my family and I sacrificed quite a bit for my goals. I really wanted to prove to myself and the world that we really can inspire people through fitness and change lives long term. And therefore, this past 10 years have been a dream come true. And I have learned that the full time effort it takes the run a gym well and train is contrary to the lifestyle I want for my family. In addition, running a gym without training made me feel like I wasting away, of no use to anyone. 

I can honestly say that unless Im digging in with someone and using my gifts, I am miserable. And so, I am so looking forward to the next chapter doing what I do best and I am SO PUMPED to get to really dig in and help people 1 on 1 again without the worries of a retail store distracting me from them or from my family! I AM SO READY TO CONNECT!!!! Its such a perfect chance to paint another masterpiece and I can feel my enthusiasm and passion rising again! And it feels great!

I can tell that I am supposed to keep painting. Im hearing in my gut that I have more to say, feel and do. So this next year I will begin a new masterpiece. I can already hear the music in the background and the picture on the canvas taking shape:)

So if anyone followed that at all, as usual, that is what needed to fall out. In years past it was fitness thoughts and philosophies and it seemed to help people even tho I would always set out to write whatever was in my head with no clue anyone would read it.

So I wonder who out there is in a grey area, between an old life and new one and feeling a little lost, not having the surety and zeal for the next painting, and patiently walking in faith and knowing we are not alone.

So, if you got this far, stay tuned, because trust me, THERE IS MORE TO COME! I at the very least have been thinking about what is on the horizon and I think as the Mom of (rising) Middle Schooler, and its going to be

...How to organize my LIFE so that I am healthy and fit, not how to force myself to workout...
...How to approach my parenting, homelife, career and still not just flat our quit on my fitness...
...How to strike that balance between whats works for everyone and what works for me...

Our kids will be up and out before we know it, so we (I) don't want my desire to prove myself in fitness or at work distract me from these last few years with the most precious assignment I have...my daughter and my family.

So that is it for now!

Thanks, as always, for reading!!!
Anna Smith

It's Not My Assignment

Sometimes I use my blog as a landing page for my studio, but today, its personal.  I could have 2 blogs to separate biz from personal, but my business is all personal anyway.

As one of the most non-perfect people I know, I don't talk about my faith journey much.  For one, like me, its pretty non-perfect. It may "slip' out in a conversation or a FB post here and there but for the most part Im not prepared to discuss what I am still so much figuring out. But also, people who talk about faith tend to seem to have things way more figured out than me, do more good than me, and have walked a straighter path than me.   But I find that without faith, life just doesn't make ANY sense.  But life with faith is no cakewalk of clarity, either.

And I look around and man, people have REAL problems. I have no real problems, this post's issue included.  If anything, most of us don't have any real problems, unless we are in the midst of one of life's crises.  Im hoping that this new technique will at least free me up to a) handle my next crisis better b) help free me up to be of some GOOD, NO, GREAT use to those who do have real problems c) inspire some one else to do the same.

Lately, I am all but uninterested in the things that once occupied EVERY.SINGLE.THOUGHT.   My mind is unfortunately like a mental medusa with zillions of snakes chasing in millions of different crazy directions after anything that instigated a curiosity, a question, a desire to complete, a riddle to solve, a person to please, and that made for some fatigued years!!  It definitely weighs one down.  In some cases I felt thrilled to care so much about so many different things, because being apathetic seems sad to me.  I want to be excited and challenged by life, not numb to it. Yet this year, while I wasn't looking, something under the surface changed and it caught me off guard.

 Maybe this is what it means to be "led"?  As in...before, the things I was convicted I need to do, accomplish, and complete, now are not so important.  Was I led to do those things and now Im being led to others?  Why the sudden change of tide if I haven't, at my core, changed?  But a new set of "things" is on the horizon.  Only problem is I don't like leaving things or people in my rearview mirror.  But you can't move to the next town and stay in the one you are in.   As you move forward, some things and people will not come with you. So if they are still important.... how can that be?

And then it hit me.  It is because it all -everything- feels like my job.  The mental medusa in years past was me solving everything.  The inability to feel free to move forward is me feeling like everything in my rear view mirror is my job.  Well, it makes no sense to me either but that is the best I can do.

So with lots of prayer, I've been handed a phrase... a phrase I've adopted in the last few days that I think is going to see me through the rest of the year and completely explains being led forward.

Its not my assignment.

Something needs to be changed -  not my assignment.
A person disagrees with me - not my assignment.
Someone absolutely loves me - not my assignment.
A problem needs to be solved - not my assignment.
An injustice needs to be righted -  not my assignment.
A need needs to be filled - not my assignment.

What that means to me, is that if we believe that we are all here for a purpose, and that people come in your life and opportunities, etc are to help you find your purpose, then I have to understand that not everything is my assignment.  All of these things are my assignment but NOT EVERY TIME.

So to trust this intuition and vision I have, means to let a lot of things an people go, and knowing that its OK, those things just aren't my assignment, has been a weight lifted.  A breath exhaled.  And I wish anyone who struggles with needing to solve everything could discover the peace that comes with trusting where you are being led and being able to discern for each temptation to solve/think/launch/act/complete/please what is our assignment and what is simply, not.

Lonesome Leading and Me in a Beard

At a 41 year old I've had the gift of befriending a couple of 20 - somethings and they've taught me a lot.   Not just about 20-somethings and about friendship done well, but about myself.  And therefore I've realized that I'm not actually all THAT serious in my day to day life but when it comes to sharing on social media I'm super super serious.

What does this have to do with "Lonesome Leading"?  I have discovered when it comes to hanging out with my family and friends they all think I'm actually kinda funny. So why the split personality was my question?  Life would be a lot easier if I would lighten up, especially as a parent and I am jealous of those who roll with, instead of cringe with, the punches.  Since its been suggested to be more funny on social media or in my writing etc. and its prolly not gonna happen, as you will see below, so all that to say this is going to be a serious blog… But maybe this picture will help.  Because, BEARD.

On three separate occasions I've had three of some of the most hard-working independent thinking people I know -who are also these 20-somethings- openly talk to me about how it's kind of lonely as an entrepreneur or as a coach or as a trainer and feeling the need to help them, having done it longer, it got me thinking...

I realize that I have felt this way quite a bit, and could TOTALLY relate.  I liken it to being a parent.  Every one of those things feels like what I feel like as a parent.  In fact there is a small vein of sadness in the parenting or entrepreneur or leadership (coach and training in this context) journey because you are the 'source'...the 'leader',...in other words you pour and pour and pour.  And there is no answer or specific direction you can take 100% of the time, in 100% of the circumstances and get 100% guaranteed results or outcome.  

So its so normal to feel as if we are the only ones!  And to top it off we view good parents, or leaders or coaches are kind of people we are in "awe" of.  I especially do this.  We lament to ourselves and each other about the struggle only to find every person wearing a similar hat shares our struggles.  So I understand the sentiment and share it, but I don't think that it's a lonely to be an entrepreneur necessarily, or that we or they are so rare or special or whatever. I think leaders and entrepreneurs just bear the brunt of a lot of probably self criticism for lack of a better word.  We tend to think of ourselves as creators and as artists in a way because the next move is up to us, and the next one, and the next one.  And there are millions of moves to choose from and millions of distractions in each moment to pull us and then prioritizing the moves and our time, on top of dealing with the people aspect.  Its whelming and there is no answer and there, I think, is where the lonely feeling comes from.  The buck, quite literally, stops with us.  And that can feel like pressure and can feel lonely.  

No one can fight our struggle for us.  That is why it feels lonely.  Its like bunch of caterpillars all side by side fighting our of their own cocoon.  As parents, coaches, leaders, whatever.  And so we are alone responsible.  But, not alone.

So what to do?  
Well clearly Im in this group and don't have answers but I do have strategies and first and foremost, I have found that just knowing its normal is HUGE.  

We must seek mentors, and they can advise, but decide and move the day?  Thats on us.  And its beautiful to be your own boss but tragic at the same time!  There are days I would love a list of tasks a time frame and a pat on the back for a job well done at 5pm.  But that is not the path we are on (if you are reading this).  So my hope (I think, because Im writing as I think with no real goal) is that if you are put here to lead, coach, build and add value in your area by being a coach or leader, is that you find a few key things to keep you from feeling alone in addition to a mentor whom you feel comfortable asking lots of questions of.  Because you are most certainly not alone unless you choose to be. 

Humility is one of the biggest characteristics of success and leadership.  Lack of it is ego and insecurity dressed up as self-confidence and its easy to spot and the charade will only last so long. And a few will follow, but not for long and not many will end up following at all.

Truly I have so far to go and so much to learn but for me at least so far, the strategies that have helped have been:

• Meditation so I can discern what my thoughts are and not react to them without a decision to react..this cut the overwhelm waaaay back.
• Crystal clear goals to the point I can see them like a painting in my head in each area of life. A full belief that anything that was put on my heart I was meant to achieve, give, whatever!  In other words, it was given to me as a task. 
• Mentors in all areas of life - What I call the "5 Fs" - I've done a few trainings on these.
• *Constant reading in the "5 Fs"
• Daily Bible Study and prayer
• Daily  Affirmations and beliefs around knowing that worry will not get me there and that everything that happens needs to happen for that painting to become a reality.

*2 of my favorite books are 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class by Steve Siebold and Chop Wood Carry Water by Joshua Medcalf.  

Looking to support my fellow friends who may feel this way across the inter webs.  Maybe you have tips?  Maybe this resonates with you?  Love to hear from you.  If you got this far, thank you, share, comment on Facebook or email me at annathetrainer@me.com! 


 That's all I got!
Anna

Faith and Walls

"You don’t set out to build a wall. You don’t say ‘I’m going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that’s ever been built.’ You don’t start there. You say, ‘I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid. You do that every single day. And soon you have a wall. "
~Will Smith

You ever get tired of hearing your own self talk?  I do.  I got to a point where as much as I loved to write, and I loved the random emails, inboxes and texts that someone I only knew peripherally had been inspried, in addition to the flat out encouragement by those I know and love the most to keep doing it...I feel like I had said it all and it was all being said and I had nothing new.  I also (are you asleep yet?) felt like it was ALL.ABOUT.ME. because for whatever reason that is what I write on.  

But this year I've been inspired to work on my faith.  (And leadership, but that is for another day).  And I've been hit over the head over and over that this is what I should do so I am stepping out in faith.  Even tho I can think of a list of reasons why its a waste of time and how it won't help me or anyone else (so why do it?)...this is an exercise in faith.


I commit to blog at least once a week for the rest of 2016 as an act of faith.  And I realized what was holding me back was things I don't like about it and the fact Im out of practice, yada yada yada.  Its a fine line between writing for yourself and writing for others and writing for yourself and sharing it with others... thats a fine line, but is a super strong one.  I did not like writing for others but I fell into that trap.   Looking for feedback is addictive and its useless to me.  I can also use writing to procrastinate.  Like you sit down to write and get that done but 17 million hours later you are rearranging your desktop icons an you are avoiding tasks that should have been done.  

The above quote has never been about faith to me until just now.  As I was talking my self out of this I realized I was still not doing things I could not do perfectly.  I help others get started and fail fast ALOT...and I personally admit I am willing to fail at a lot, but the perfectionism creeps in and it was creeping in this project.  

So in my more successful endeavors, I've leaned heavily on the above quote recently.  In the past I worked around the clock furiously building the wall and without a perfect vision of the end result, I ended up with a tired me, a sloppy wall in some places and a great wall in some, and not knowing the endgame, no end in site and a lack of inspiration to finish!  So then I learned you need to see the wall you want to build.  In my world, I think of my child, my health, my work, my home, etc.... what is the end goal?  Then I can slow waaaaayyyyy down and lay the brick in that wall...or as I think of it, like building a house.  I am building Ellen Rose... Her physical (outside) and her mental/spirtual (inside) house is my job.  How can I lay that foundation today?  With health/fitness, this was super helpful in attempting a fitness competition... you can't see the results of that work or those 6 perfect meals today, but you must just focus on them as brick in the house you are building (in this case the house could be my body/or the goal itself)... etc, etc, etc.  So last year is when it truly hit me what it meant to "trust the process". Not to view every failure as a sign to stop.  But also to heed the problems and failures and not stubbornly fall into the same traps.  


So today Im putting a brick in the wall of writing.  But this time I can't see the end wall.  I just know 2 things. I commit to do it each week and write for ME.  I don't care if anyone reads or the reactions...but I commit to share as an act of faith.  Of believing that the signs, reminders, words of strangers, are signs its what I should do.  ITs what Im wired to do, apparently gifted to do and what I can contribute with.  After wall, like a lily in the field I need to do what Im made to do and not question it.   I am not sure if I can see the purpose or endgame...because this is the year of faith so I feel like I am building a wall only God can see.  Its not for me to see how this will be used for me or even for others.  Its an act of faith.  Im laying the brick. The house is up to Him.

That's all I got!
Anna

Summer Fitness Program for Teachers!

For Gwinnett County Teachers ONLY.  First 20 to register will be accepted as space is limited!

Register here: https://clients.mindbodyonline.com/classic/ws?studioid=23704&stype=40&prodid=111

send any questions to annathetrainer@me.com today!