What does this have to do with "Lonesome Leading"? I have discovered when it comes to hanging out with my family and friends they all think I'm actually kinda funny. So why the split personality was my question? Life would be a lot easier if I would lighten up, especially as a parent and I am jealous of those who roll with, instead of cringe with, the punches. Since its been suggested to be more funny on social media or in my writing etc. and its prolly not gonna happen, as you will see below, so all that to say this is going to be a serious blog… But maybe this picture will help. Because, BEARD.
On three separate occasions I've had three of some of the most hard-working independent thinking people I know -who are also these 20-somethings- openly talk to me about how it's kind of lonely as an entrepreneur or as a coach or as a trainer and feeling the need to help them, having done it longer, it got me thinking...
I realize that I have felt this way quite a bit, and could TOTALLY relate. I liken it to being a parent. Every one of those things feels like what I feel like as a parent. In fact there is a small vein of sadness in the parenting or entrepreneur or leadership (coach and training in this context) journey because you are the 'source'...the 'leader',...in other words you pour and pour and pour. And there is no answer or specific direction you can take 100% of the time, in 100% of the circumstances and get 100% guaranteed results or outcome.
So its so normal to feel as if we are the only ones! And to top it off we view good parents, or leaders or coaches are kind of people we are in "awe" of. I especially do this. We lament to ourselves and each other about the struggle only to find every person wearing a similar hat shares our struggles. So I understand the sentiment and share it, but I don't think that it's a lonely to be an entrepreneur necessarily, or that we or they are so rare or special or whatever. I think leaders and entrepreneurs just bear the brunt of a lot of probably self criticism for lack of a better word. We tend to think of ourselves as creators and as artists in a way because the next move is up to us, and the next one, and the next one. And there are millions of moves to choose from and millions of distractions in each moment to pull us and then prioritizing the moves and our time, on top of dealing with the people aspect. Its whelming and there is no answer and there, I think, is where the lonely feeling comes from. The buck, quite literally, stops with us. And that can feel like pressure and can feel lonely.
No one can fight our struggle for us. That is why it feels lonely. Its like bunch of caterpillars all side by side fighting our of their own cocoon. As parents, coaches, leaders, whatever. And so we are alone responsible. But, not alone.
So what to do?
Well clearly Im in this group and don't have answers but I do have strategies and first and foremost, I have found that just knowing its normal is HUGE.
We must seek mentors, and they can advise, but decide and move the day? Thats on us. And its beautiful to be your own boss but tragic at the same time! There are days I would love a list of tasks a time frame and a pat on the back for a job well done at 5pm. But that is not the path we are on (if you are reading this). So my hope (I think, because Im writing as I think with no real goal) is that if you are put here to lead, coach, build and add value in your area by being a coach or leader, is that you find a few key things to keep you from feeling alone in addition to a mentor whom you feel comfortable asking lots of questions of. Because you are most certainly not alone unless you choose to be.
Humility is one of the biggest characteristics of success and leadership. Lack of it is ego and insecurity dressed up as self-confidence and its easy to spot and the charade will only last so long. And a few will follow, but not for long and not many will end up following at all.
Truly I have so far to go and so much to learn but for me at least so far, the strategies that have helped have been:
- Meditation so I can discern what my thoughts are and not react to them without a decision to react..this cut the overwhelm waaaay back.
- Crystal clear goals to the point I can see them like a painting in my head in each area of life. A full belief that anything that was put on my heart I was meant to achieve, give, whatever! In other words, it was given to me as a task.
- Mentors in all areas of life - What I call the "5 Fs" - I've done a few trainings on these.
- *Constant reading in the "5 Fs"
- Daily Bible Study and prayer
- Daily Affirmations and beliefs around knowing that worry will not get me there and that everything that happens needs to happen for that painting to become a reality.
*2 of my favorite books are 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class by Steve Siebold and Chop Wood Carry Water by Joshua Medcalf.
Looking to support my fellow friends who may feel this way across the inter webs. Maybe you have tips? Maybe this resonates with you? Love to hear from you. If you got this far, thank you, share, comment on Facebook or email me at annathetrainer@me.com!
That's all I got!
Anna
