Up at 6am on a Sunday and a house that is pretty quickly empty and quiet. A whole day (and week ahead) to do whatever I want. Thats been a new normal.
Actually we all have a lot of time. Ellen has taken up professional slime making (and sometime videoing) and Mike is always doing a project and resting and getting his daily Zeke and exercise fix.
Doesn't it sound wonderful? You’d think so but check this out. It has me noticing the guilt/struggle/tension we are associating with this time. We are always asking and wondering .. is it ok if I sit here? Should we make Ellen do something else? Should I get up and do something productive? How much rest and recreation is too much?
How we view ourselves is powerful I think. And how we view others. I tend to criticize myself so much that it flows into my view of everyone. But tis true what they say. What we see in others is how we see ourselves. That is a nasty jagged little pill to swallow but I humbly swallow the whole thing with belief and guilt.
So I realize now that its always lack of time and money that make us say "well if I had the time or money to do XYZ, I would/it would/this would...insert some form of solve all the worlds problems here" But when you actually have the things you coveted in the past, you can struggle with it. Because .... Now how to do you measure yourself? We measure our worth with busyness, achievement (including our kids achievement), and martyrdom. That is a mouthful so read that again. What if when we are less busy, or have achieved something, or no longer have to throw ourselves on our swords for some calling, or have great kids, we get space. Now the question is what to do with the new space. The super deep question that I realize took my breath when I wrote it is then what do we measure ourselves with?
That is more than a mouthful. I don't think I can touch that question with a 10 foot pole. NO wonder we subconsciously stay wrapped in the warm security of lack, no choice, and invisible to the radar of that question.
See, busyness, achievement, and martyrdom are very addictive. And they give an enormous security because they prevent chaos. The chaos that is coming if I fail to show up, reach the goal, or save the person. These 3 things bring with them a sense of purpose, and lots of racing thoughts, which occupy our brains and clarify for us what is next. In many ways they take the pressure off of us. And they eliminate the judgement and guilt that come from having the things we are pursuing. So I think deep down we can avoid the solutions, because we (maybe?) know that they bring with them the clarity/self worth measurement problem.
So here is what I will say, I want to give people this problem. If you think I was deep before, put on your diving gear....
If you and I are as uniquely gifted as I think we are, and we have special, one of a kind talents and are meant to live a life of sharing those talents and doing our thing on this earth.... have you noticed what happens to you when you're in the chaos prevention space? Those things are in the backseat because your purpose is not driven by discovering and sharing them with people, its in our ability to sacrifice and achieve.
In a practical sense, I believe in the parenting of the kids we are currently raising to restore and strengthen the family and the power of entrepreneurship to bolster and strengthen our nation are at stake. Lack of time and money are an epidemic that are robbing us. And they come with them an addictive feeling of worth as we strive to eliminate them both. I believe you and I have very important things to do. And I can't do the important thing you need to do and vice versa. But until we have space to discover those things, because we are secure and comfortable as long as we are time and money strapped and our energy is used just preventing chaos, then our energy is not used contributing. Its like having a foot you want to walk on, but its always casted from injury. Its there just not able to be used for what its meant to be used for just yet.
So, guess Im wondering what the cost of tired is for us? I wonder does waking up exhausted and distracted by chaos prevention cause us as parents to miss those strengths, interests, gifts, and needs in their kids and so they can't cultivate them? Do we miss those things in ourselves so they never know themselves which means are we passing over tremendous gifting they could be to their kids because they are just so darn tired? What about the local community leader? The next inventor? Or great educator? Are the really good ones out there but Is their distraction and lack of time and energy preventing them from doing that great thing that only they can do?
This has me thinking lately about "The Cost of Tired" and I wanted to share it. Maybe we are not preventing chaos with busyness, achievement and martyrdom, maybe we are preventing greatness?
Happy Sunday,
Anna
