What is "defunct"?
-Did not want to be around high energy people, or have a high energy schedule or be physically high energy or mentally high energy.
-Did not want to be in anything too high emotion either.
-Nothing affected me, music, movies, people. I was not the same walking well of love/ fire/ conviction I used to love to be. I observed, more than experienced life.
For someone whose main "function" is experiencing life at its highest, at its edges, in its heart...this was quite a change.
Ever been this kind of "defunct"?
-Nothing affected me, music, movies, people. I was not the same walking well of love/ fire/ conviction I used to love to be. I observed, more than experienced life.
For someone whose main "function" is experiencing life at its highest, at its edges, in its heart...this was quite a change.
Ever been this kind of "defunct"?
I like to say the year of 2017 was the year of the cave. I didn't leave the house much and I was kind of trying it on for size. After years and years of striving (nod to you, Chris Stallings) I found myself wanting to see what it was like not to strive so hard.
Maybe you've been there. After a season of increase and where things were going great and greater, something in you just decides to retreat.
Turns out there is no such thing as winning all the time. Turns out that even when things are AWESOME on so many levels, there is not a way to never experience the valley. No matter who you are, how hard you work to be right, efficient, work for the right reasons and people and with them. There will always be peaks and valleys.
Maybe you relate?
I know for me I came into life as a mom, wife, friend and business owner with a set of values and beliefs and a heart so full of love I literally was inside-out with love and a desire to serve. It was an overflowing. My desire to help and serve and inspire POURED out of me.
But when it pours out of you onto the floor.
Or maybe you pour it to someone who didn't ask for it.
Or asked and decided it wasn't for them.
You begin to measure your pour.
Overtime you run out of things to pour and can't seem to give anything, even when you want to. something feels off.
The well is dry.
And ya girl was lost.
And that was a tough pill to swallow and a tough place to be standing.
And ya girl was lost.
And that was a tough pill to swallow and a tough place to be standing.
Thankfully, it didn't last forever, and I learned the the valley was not a signal that something was wrong. The valley is where the water is. You just have to be patient and stay long enough to refill.
So what am I doing now?
Well I can feel the old fearlessness coming back. I am feeling (and filling) the well again and now, with the lessons of knowing more about who I am and who people are, I can begin to pour again.
This time with my daughter in the front of the line, not the back. This time with more wisdom. This time, knowing more about why I love people and who I want to help and what I can do, should do, and want to do.
What does this have to do with Zeke? Well Zeke initially charmed, and distracted me from my funk. I went from Defunct to DE-FUNKED if you know what I mean and in this season I am talking to that person who relates.
Im aware that most people go through these seasons and don't feel the need to write about such mundane-osity on their blog that is all about, ahem, themselves. But its about that person who resonates. Well now its about me, that person who resonates...... and Zeke;)
But really this blog is about you. And the encouragement I find in the story of life and wanting to share that with others so that they see what they need to see in their own life.
I learned in that season of defunct, that I lived. I learned that it was necessary and it was good. It was truly good. And I had some dear friends who saw me in this state and chose to love me through it and some that needed the invincible Anna and were more scarce.
In my line of work, helping others be their best, its a tough spot when you are not at yours. Its just part of the art of what I love to do. And for over 15 years I felt in a place to truly change lives and love every second. In that time, some of the scars received slowed me to a stop and made me look back and question doing what I did, given the cost.
So the break was perfect. It was time to think of those things, decide what I am going to do and how I will do it smarter and with more longevity (15 years is a long time but retirement to me looks like a coffin so I needed a better plan).
It was time for me to experience a valley after such a long time feeling on top of the mountain. I am better in all my roles, wife, Mom, daughter, family member, friend, leader, and now - Dog Mom.
With love,
Anna (whose energy is getting higher daily) and Zeke (the high energy poster child).
