It's Not My Assignment

Sometimes I use my blog as a landing page for my studio, but today, its personal.  I could have 2 blogs to separate biz from personal, but my business is all personal anyway.

As one of the most non-perfect people I know, I don't talk about my faith journey much.  For one, like me, its pretty non-perfect. It may "slip' out in a conversation or a FB post here and there but for the most part Im not prepared to discuss what I am still so much figuring out. But also, people who talk about faith tend to seem to have things way more figured out than me, do more good than me, and have walked a straighter path than me.   But I find that without faith, life just doesn't make ANY sense.  But life with faith is no cakewalk of clarity, either.

And I look around and man, people have REAL problems. I have no real problems, this post's issue included.  If anything, most of us don't have any real problems, unless we are in the midst of one of life's crises.  Im hoping that this new technique will at least free me up to a) handle my next crisis better b) help free me up to be of some GOOD, NO, GREAT use to those who do have real problems c) inspire some one else to do the same.

Lately, I am all but uninterested in the things that once occupied EVERY.SINGLE.THOUGHT.   My mind is unfortunately like a mental medusa with zillions of snakes chasing in millions of different crazy directions after anything that instigated a curiosity, a question, a desire to complete, a riddle to solve, a person to please, and that made for some fatigued years!!  It definitely weighs one down.  In some cases I felt thrilled to care so much about so many different things, because being apathetic seems sad to me.  I want to be excited and challenged by life, not numb to it. Yet this year, while I wasn't looking, something under the surface changed and it caught me off guard.

 Maybe this is what it means to be "led"?  As in...before, the things I was convicted I need to do, accomplish, and complete, now are not so important.  Was I led to do those things and now Im being led to others?  Why the sudden change of tide if I haven't, at my core, changed?  But a new set of "things" is on the horizon.  Only problem is I don't like leaving things or people in my rearview mirror.  But you can't move to the next town and stay in the one you are in.   As you move forward, some things and people will not come with you. So if they are still important.... how can that be?

And then it hit me.  It is because it all -everything- feels like my job.  The mental medusa in years past was me solving everything.  The inability to feel free to move forward is me feeling like everything in my rear view mirror is my job.  Well, it makes no sense to me either but that is the best I can do.

So with lots of prayer, I've been handed a phrase... a phrase I've adopted in the last few days that I think is going to see me through the rest of the year and completely explains being led forward.

Its not my assignment.

Something needs to be changed -  not my assignment.
A person disagrees with me - not my assignment.
Someone absolutely loves me - not my assignment.
A problem needs to be solved - not my assignment.
An injustice needs to be righted -  not my assignment.
A need needs to be filled - not my assignment.

What that means to me, is that if we believe that we are all here for a purpose, and that people come in your life and opportunities, etc are to help you find your purpose, then I have to understand that not everything is my assignment.  All of these things are my assignment but NOT EVERY TIME.

So to trust this intuition and vision I have, means to let a lot of things an people go, and knowing that its OK, those things just aren't my assignment, has been a weight lifted.  A breath exhaled.  And I wish anyone who struggles with needing to solve everything could discover the peace that comes with trusting where you are being led and being able to discern for each temptation to solve/think/launch/act/complete/please what is our assignment and what is simply, not.

Lonesome Leading and Me in a Beard

At a 41 year old I've had the gift of befriending a couple of 20 - somethings and they've taught me a lot.   Not just about 20-somethings and about friendship done well, but about myself.  And therefore I've realized that I'm not actually all THAT serious in my day to day life but when it comes to sharing on social media I'm super super serious.

What does this have to do with "Lonesome Leading"?  I have discovered when it comes to hanging out with my family and friends they all think I'm actually kinda funny. So why the split personality was my question?  Life would be a lot easier if I would lighten up, especially as a parent and I am jealous of those who roll with, instead of cringe with, the punches.  Since its been suggested to be more funny on social media or in my writing etc. and its prolly not gonna happen, as you will see below, so all that to say this is going to be a serious blog… But maybe this picture will help.  Because, BEARD.

On three separate occasions I've had three of some of the most hard-working independent thinking people I know -who are also these 20-somethings- openly talk to me about how it's kind of lonely as an entrepreneur or as a coach or as a trainer and feeling the need to help them, having done it longer, it got me thinking...

I realize that I have felt this way quite a bit, and could TOTALLY relate.  I liken it to being a parent.  Every one of those things feels like what I feel like as a parent.  In fact there is a small vein of sadness in the parenting or entrepreneur or leadership (coach and training in this context) journey because you are the 'source'...the 'leader',...in other words you pour and pour and pour.  And there is no answer or specific direction you can take 100% of the time, in 100% of the circumstances and get 100% guaranteed results or outcome.  

So its so normal to feel as if we are the only ones!  And to top it off we view good parents, or leaders or coaches are kind of people we are in "awe" of.  I especially do this.  We lament to ourselves and each other about the struggle only to find every person wearing a similar hat shares our struggles.  So I understand the sentiment and share it, but I don't think that it's a lonely to be an entrepreneur necessarily, or that we or they are so rare or special or whatever. I think leaders and entrepreneurs just bear the brunt of a lot of probably self criticism for lack of a better word.  We tend to think of ourselves as creators and as artists in a way because the next move is up to us, and the next one, and the next one.  And there are millions of moves to choose from and millions of distractions in each moment to pull us and then prioritizing the moves and our time, on top of dealing with the people aspect.  Its whelming and there is no answer and there, I think, is where the lonely feeling comes from.  The buck, quite literally, stops with us.  And that can feel like pressure and can feel lonely.  

No one can fight our struggle for us.  That is why it feels lonely.  Its like bunch of caterpillars all side by side fighting our of their own cocoon.  As parents, coaches, leaders, whatever.  And so we are alone responsible.  But, not alone.

So what to do?  
Well clearly Im in this group and don't have answers but I do have strategies and first and foremost, I have found that just knowing its normal is HUGE.  

We must seek mentors, and they can advise, but decide and move the day?  Thats on us.  And its beautiful to be your own boss but tragic at the same time!  There are days I would love a list of tasks a time frame and a pat on the back for a job well done at 5pm.  But that is not the path we are on (if you are reading this).  So my hope (I think, because Im writing as I think with no real goal) is that if you are put here to lead, coach, build and add value in your area by being a coach or leader, is that you find a few key things to keep you from feeling alone in addition to a mentor whom you feel comfortable asking lots of questions of.  Because you are most certainly not alone unless you choose to be. 

Humility is one of the biggest characteristics of success and leadership.  Lack of it is ego and insecurity dressed up as self-confidence and its easy to spot and the charade will only last so long. And a few will follow, but not for long and not many will end up following at all.

Truly I have so far to go and so much to learn but for me at least so far, the strategies that have helped have been:

• Meditation so I can discern what my thoughts are and not react to them without a decision to react..this cut the overwhelm waaaay back.
• Crystal clear goals to the point I can see them like a painting in my head in each area of life. A full belief that anything that was put on my heart I was meant to achieve, give, whatever!  In other words, it was given to me as a task. 
• Mentors in all areas of life - What I call the "5 Fs" - I've done a few trainings on these.
• *Constant reading in the "5 Fs"
• Daily Bible Study and prayer
• Daily  Affirmations and beliefs around knowing that worry will not get me there and that everything that happens needs to happen for that painting to become a reality.

*2 of my favorite books are 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class by Steve Siebold and Chop Wood Carry Water by Joshua Medcalf.  

Looking to support my fellow friends who may feel this way across the inter webs.  Maybe you have tips?  Maybe this resonates with you?  Love to hear from you.  If you got this far, thank you, share, comment on Facebook or email me at annathetrainer@me.com! 


 That's all I got!
Anna

Faith and Walls

"You don’t set out to build a wall. You don’t say ‘I’m going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that’s ever been built.’ You don’t start there. You say, ‘I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid. You do that every single day. And soon you have a wall. "
~Will Smith

You ever get tired of hearing your own self talk?  I do.  I got to a point where as much as I loved to write, and I loved the random emails, inboxes and texts that someone I only knew peripherally had been inspried, in addition to the flat out encouragement by those I know and love the most to keep doing it...I feel like I had said it all and it was all being said and I had nothing new.  I also (are you asleep yet?) felt like it was ALL.ABOUT.ME. because for whatever reason that is what I write on.  

But this year I've been inspired to work on my faith.  (And leadership, but that is for another day).  And I've been hit over the head over and over that this is what I should do so I am stepping out in faith.  Even tho I can think of a list of reasons why its a waste of time and how it won't help me or anyone else (so why do it?)...this is an exercise in faith.


I commit to blog at least once a week for the rest of 2016 as an act of faith.  And I realized what was holding me back was things I don't like about it and the fact Im out of practice, yada yada yada.  Its a fine line between writing for yourself and writing for others and writing for yourself and sharing it with others... thats a fine line, but is a super strong one.  I did not like writing for others but I fell into that trap.   Looking for feedback is addictive and its useless to me.  I can also use writing to procrastinate.  Like you sit down to write and get that done but 17 million hours later you are rearranging your desktop icons an you are avoiding tasks that should have been done.  

The above quote has never been about faith to me until just now.  As I was talking my self out of this I realized I was still not doing things I could not do perfectly.  I help others get started and fail fast ALOT...and I personally admit I am willing to fail at a lot, but the perfectionism creeps in and it was creeping in this project.  

So in my more successful endeavors, I've leaned heavily on the above quote recently.  In the past I worked around the clock furiously building the wall and without a perfect vision of the end result, I ended up with a tired me, a sloppy wall in some places and a great wall in some, and not knowing the endgame, no end in site and a lack of inspiration to finish!  So then I learned you need to see the wall you want to build.  In my world, I think of my child, my health, my work, my home, etc.... what is the end goal?  Then I can slow waaaaayyyyy down and lay the brick in that wall...or as I think of it, like building a house.  I am building Ellen Rose... Her physical (outside) and her mental/spirtual (inside) house is my job.  How can I lay that foundation today?  With health/fitness, this was super helpful in attempting a fitness competition... you can't see the results of that work or those 6 perfect meals today, but you must just focus on them as brick in the house you are building (in this case the house could be my body/or the goal itself)... etc, etc, etc.  So last year is when it truly hit me what it meant to "trust the process". Not to view every failure as a sign to stop.  But also to heed the problems and failures and not stubbornly fall into the same traps.  


So today Im putting a brick in the wall of writing.  But this time I can't see the end wall.  I just know 2 things. I commit to do it each week and write for ME.  I don't care if anyone reads or the reactions...but I commit to share as an act of faith.  Of believing that the signs, reminders, words of strangers, are signs its what I should do.  ITs what Im wired to do, apparently gifted to do and what I can contribute with.  After wall, like a lily in the field I need to do what Im made to do and not question it.   I am not sure if I can see the purpose or endgame...because this is the year of faith so I feel like I am building a wall only God can see.  Its not for me to see how this will be used for me or even for others.  Its an act of faith.  Im laying the brick. The house is up to Him.

That's all I got!
Anna

Summer Fitness Program for Teachers!

For Gwinnett County Teachers ONLY.  First 20 to register will be accepted as space is limited!

Register here: https://clients.mindbodyonline.com/classic/ws?studioid=23704&stype=40&prodid=111

send any questions to annathetrainer@me.com today!

The Most Important Muscle to Train

I think: Transforming your body is one of the greatest experiences you will ever have. 

It has the amazing power to change your whole life. That is why it is probably one of the mot sought after and most powerful things in this world. I believe that the ability to transform your body is probably one of the few things in this life that cannot be oversold. That is why I am here, doing what I do. When someone overcomes what is necessary to transform his or her body into their ideal body, the results are extremely powerful. They seem to literally explode into action in all areas of their lives and begin living in a new direction. They never regret a single step they took, no matter how severe it felt at the time, and they can never express in words how much the change means to them. Not once have I seen someone transform their body without also transforming and overhauling their lives. Not once. So this losing weight/ body transformation stuff is deep. On the surface, it looks like it’s all in the technique. Eat these foods, do these exercises. Hell, hire a personal trainer! Just do this and you will lose weight right? Here is my answer: IF IT WERE JUST ABOUT WHAT FOOD TO EAT AND WHICH EXERCISES TO DO THEN YOU WOULD NOT BE READING THIS. I will say it again: if the answers to getting your ideal body were just in a diet and exercise program, then we would all be fitness models.

 The answers to how to eat and how to exercise are out there. As much as part of me hates to admit it, they are there. For Free. On the Internet, in the library and usually in your own head already. The true obstacle is not finding the right plan, it is how to overcome your own barriers in order to execute the right plan. Training your mind for success is one of the most worthwhile and rewarding skills you can learn. But they do not teach it in school, college or even the weight loss and diet books. What a shame! Because by NOT teaching you how to train your mind, our educational system and fitness professionals therefore leave you with the impression that weight loss “just automatically happens” when you find a quality program or the right trainer. And I hate to break it to you, but the reality is… that’s just not the case. Sure, you can lose a lot of weight and start down the path to achieving your ideal body but without incorporating the mental aspect of training for great success, you will eventually encounter your “permanent” barrier. Because the reprogramming required to overcome your permanent barrier is really what the whole journey is about. It’s what makes weight loss and body transformation such a rich experience that changes people’s whole lives every time. Some people’s barrier is at the entrance to the road and for some it’s 10 pounds away from their ultimate goal. But it is where you feel hopeless, helpless and lost. And no amount of diet and exercise advice can save you. Over the years, with my clients and my own experience, I’ve developed a library of mental training techniques specifically aimed at helping others overcome their barriers to weight loss success. They will be compiled and released later on this year in by book MIND GAMES: Mental Training Systems for Finally Achieving Body Transformation” , but I had to take at least these 3 and share them now so I can show how powerful just a few simple steps can be in a body transformation. In this e-book, I will share 3 techniques for conditioning your mind for the success you deserve in less than 10 minutes a day. Once you’ve tried your technique(s), please contact me, Anna Smith, about your experiences at annathetrainer@me.com-- I’d love to hear about it.

MENTAL TRAINING IS AN AWKWARD LIFE RAFT

The results of mental training are like a life raft to those who are struggling, but there is a catch. The results of training your mind are astonishing, empowering, life changing and sometimes shocking. But, if I am being honest, the mental training itself is awkward. Especially if you’ve never done it. But keep in mind… THE RESULTS ARE WORTH THE EFFORT For example: When I was pregnant, I was interested in natural childbirth. Sounds brave right? To say I was terrified of it was an understatement so I was in the front row of childbirth class determined to learn as much as I could before I delivered ANYTHING. Our leader did this experiment. After she taught us how to condition our minds using breath, and focus, and use lights, music and all our senses, she had us hold ice. Yep. We held ice in our hands for 1 minute in a bright room just holding it to see how long we could go. The longest anyone could hold out was 29 seconds. Then we did the same experiment using all those tools she taught us and everyone made it the full minute and felt fine. Even the guys! Another example: Do not under any circumstances think or picture in your mind, ready> Now its important you do not think about a BIG PIPING HOT SLICE OF PIZZA right out of the oven, with cheese melting off the sides, the crust browning just at the edges, and covered in pepperoni. I say it again, DO NOT THINK ABOUT FRESHLY BAKED CHEESE AND PEPPERONI PIZZA! Try not to have that for lunch now! ☺ If you want to be successful at body transformation, you’ve got to get real and get serious about training your mind. If you want to find out what is holding you back, invest in your self. Learn the techniques like those here and those in Mind Games that needed to remove the barriers and allow you to get this done and get on with your life. The mind is infinitely powerful. It’s time to use it to your advantage. So before I get to the techniques, I’d like to ask that you commit to trying at least one of them for 30 days. That means, if you forget about it for a few days, miss a weekend, go to bed and wake up realizing you forgot it last night, whatever the case – you get right back on track as soon as you remember because you promise to commit to trying at least one of these techniques for 30 days. I need to warn you that the first 2 weeks is NOT the time to quit. Repetition is the only way this works. 

REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS REPETITION IS THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKS Did that help make the point?

HOMEWORK and TECHNIQUES

You are going to need some quiet time and a pen and some paper. This is going to be a work in progress then you will want to have it in a form you can read every day all together as efficiently as possible. I have a tested and proven journal worksheet and mental training template for daily reading in the Mind Games book, but you’ll basically need a notebook or journal of some kind that you can read once in the morning and once at night for now. STEP 1 – SET THE EXACT GOAL You’ve heard it a million times. If you do not know what the heck you are working so hard to achieve, then where in the world are you focusing your energy? On what you shouldn’t do? If you get what you focus on (think pizza in the above example) then that strategy should go straight to the trash bin. The words around the focus don’t matter. You need a destination to focus on. So sit back and imagine exactly what this goal looks like. What does it measure? If it’s weight, a measurement, a clothing size, or if you want to set an athletic goal, is it running a mile, 2 miles, 3 miles? In how long? Set the exact goal you want. In fact, set 3 of them. Do not move to step 2 until you have done this. STEP 2- FIND OUT WHY YOU WANT YOUR GOALS If the reasons you want to achieve this goal cannot outweigh the comfort of old habits and the temptation to eat foolishly, blow off a workout, halfway do a workout, or give up all together, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you are dead in the water. Under each goal you’ve set, write 20 reasons why you want to achieve that goal. Some prompts to help you get all 20 are helpful: Why do you want this goal now not later? What is your current health/weight costing you in your daily life? How does it make you feel? When you achieve your goal, standing there in your new body, how will that feel? What will have changed? What about life will be better for you then? What about life will be better for those around you then? So on and so forth until you get to 20. Then take each one and ask why that one is important and search for the root cause. It's usually different than your initial impression of why you want this. And if it gets uncomfortable, then you are probably on the right track! STEP 3- REPROGRAM YOUR SELF-TALK There are whole books on this topic, so I will cut right to the chase. You talk to yourself all day and all night. And what you say is based on what you really thing about yourself. It is your perception of you. Much how a child is shaped by the feedback of a parent, this is your feedback. If you have no idea how you talk to yourself, take a day and observe. It will reveal your self-image at its deepest level. Most of us have no idea what we are thinking about all day long. It requires a high level of self-awareness and involves focused intention on listening to what we are saying to ourselves to discover. A lot of time will be spent on this in Mind Games so that you know exactly those self-images that are holding you back but the quickest route will be to put this in our context and use it for an example. First we think a thought. For example, my favorite (have you ever thought this?) “Why wont the scale move? Or “Why is this so hard for me?” “I’ll never really have an amazing body, but I’ll just do the best I can.” Now remember, this is not a one-time thought right? This is a thought that goes through the brain regularly, hundreds, thousands of times over your life! That thought then comes out in words. “I like food too much” “I don’t have the willpower ” “Well, I’m trying to lose weight again…” “If I ever lose this weight…” “No matter what I do, I just can’t lose weight” “I hate having to get up and go exercise…” “It’s not fair that I can’t eat my favorite foods…” “Why is losing weight so HARD…” “I hope I can get this last 10 pounds off by Christmas…” “I don't want to be fat anymore” “I’d love to get rid of this gut” Those words are repeated over and over again strengthening the belief that deep down, this person is a weight loss failure. With that belief, the actions this person takes are not effective, how can they be? These actions become habits over time. This person is habitually failing at their dreams. The good news is that the only thing you as a human truly have control over is your thoughts. A person thinking like this is going to make different food choices, and have a totally different workout than this very same person who is feeding their brain with “I am in control of my every action” “I’m worth every effort I make” “It’s awesome to be achieving this goal…” “I am getting leaner and stronger everyday…” “I love knowing my Holidays wont be clouded with worry over my weight this year!” “I can’t wait to see how much faster I can go today in my workout!” This is the same person who is on purpose using their thoughts and words towards their goals. I bet this person takes different actions, and creates different habits and then enjoys a whole different set of results. Thoughts create your current circumstances and results, whether you know it or believe. Regardless of your weight loss “program!!! Now, for your assignment, think about you, already at your goal, living in your daily life having already achieved your goal. Wait. Don’t keep reading. Stop and close your eyes and picture you at your goal. Welcome back. Wasn’t that nice? Now, describe yourself in the picture in your mind in sentences starting like these: “I am…” “I am…” “I am…” These are the affirmations you need to read every day and they should bring about the feeling that you had while you were imagining your goal. Write these affirmations after your goals and why statements in your notebook. STEP 4 - ELIMINATE GOAL AMNESIA You think you don’t’ have goal amnesia, right? For crying out loud all you think about is losing weight! I believe you. But I know everyone can relate to this. You have a function on Saturday night. All your people whose opinions you value will be there. It’s 3 weeks away, you are wishing you were eating well and exercising more, but you are not. Two weeks away, you experience the same thing. One week to go, you start to tighten up. Saturday of the event you are up at the crack of dawn getting in a workout and eating like a mouse. IT’S EASY TO FOCUS ON YOUR GOAL WHEN IT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU So the rest of this is simple. Put it all right I front of you for 10 minutes a day. In the morning take 1 minute to just sit and breathe. Clear your mind. Count how many seconds your in breath is and do the same for your out breath. Listen for any noises around you. If you start thinking about dinner, that coworker, your hangnail…just come back to counting your breath length and listening to your surroundings. It’s a long minute at first! The first several times you do it, you will want to throw in the towel, so remember that. Give it a minute and then move on. You’ll be getting 2 chances a day to see how it goes, so no hurry. Then spend the next 4 minutes reading your journal from the three steps above. All you need to do is read and believe those goals. Read and believe those affirmations and feel what success feels like. If they don’t get you kind of fired up just thinking about the possibilities of this new line of thinking, you have to go back to the drawing board and put your heart into this creation. In the evening just before bed, do it again.