Wella wella well. I've rediscovered that I miss writing so I pledge to make this (blogging) a more regular event starting today. Tomorrow is her birthday and WHAT IS REALLY WEIRD is this was the last post on the blog because it was the month we opened Revolution Fitness. So fitting! I'll be leaning more towards business and fitness but today, let's just go with this.
Ellen: "Mommy I love you so much that if u die ill build you a statue up to the sky. All the way to God's hair."
How do you even respond to that??? We were passing a big cemetery on the way home from the pumpkin patch yesterday. In my head I'm thinking of the "good Mom" response and outwardly I'm a babbling idiot.
Lately, I think Ellen hears me talk about her as a little one and hears the love in my voice when she asks me questions and sometimes wants to be little. And I've started telling her...I love you more now. It's so true. Everyday my heart explodes and grows to love her even more. She is kind and she is oh so forgiving. She has a mother who is hot headed and quick tempered and who sometimes has expectation that are too high an sometimes is just too fried to be patient and loving. Yet she loves me with all her little heart. She wants nothing more than to see me smile or make me happy. Makes a person feel undeserving. Ill-equipped to say the least. She tells me everyday that I'm beautiful that she loves me. The other day she said I love how you smell mommy... Nobody else smells like you. And she's right. I miss my Mom's smell and hug all the time- it's the one thing that the thought of can still bring tears to my eyes. And as I think about the time I've sacrificed with her I honestly doubt if its worth it because nothing is worth taking even a millisecond with such a precious and perfect child. But to know that this week, Mike and I are eating lunch with her, baking a cake tonight and that we've made a family project out of planning her party - I think that that I won't question anything as long as I have a kid that wants to build me a monument all the way up to God's hair.
~Anna
PS: HERE ARE THE LAST POSTS TO ELLEN'S BLOG:) ENJOY!
Scary Post
This is a scary post for many reasons. 1. I should be cleaning the middle bedroom out for dad and chandler to sleep in tonight and I am procrastinating, 2. I've embarked on a quite a new perspective this week, and 3, I've had 2 cups of starbucks full caff coffee. Oh, and 4. I have no goal for this post. SCARY.
So I am where I am.
Business is good, I have very good feelings about it and some cool plans for my team next week. Our first month was great. I measure our success based on our 3 objectives as a team--Number one, we are changing lives through fitness. That has always been my goal. Number 2, we did make some money...well, let me reword that: We cleared all operating expenses our first month. And three, we are having fun. It is getting more fun each week, but this one we could work on. The last 2 weeks we've has some awesome energy in there. Two clients came to me and used those exact words, and said it was a very positive place to be. That is a dream come true for me. I also have 2 trainers who are dying to join our team and they are qualified, we just need to discuss them at our meeting next week. It is shaping up to be exactly how I dreamed it would be. Long way to go but I see it unfolding.
Life is good, we are totally extended financially with my income and our savings having been invested in the gym and I have lots of debt now (I was debt free before) but I just look at it like assets. The fact that it is not conusmption debt, rather investment in actual things makes it an asset in my mind so I fret less. The balance in the check book makes me nuts tho, I like lots of cushion and its a concrete floor at the moment.
Ellen is perfect, communicative, growing, thriving, adorable, etc.
Mike is the same. He is a great help mate, husband, and all the things I ever wanted. I adore him more every day...
And then that leaves fitness. So I lost my mojo and I was fine with it. It is nice when you quit working against yourself and just admit...hey, I am doing what I am willing to do, so it makes sense to just accept the result. You get what you give. The problem is that has resulted in some lost fitness and a weight gain and I miss my old body. So I am so bored with the whole rally the troops! yawn. make a plan! did somebody say something? commit and set daily goals to reach the ultimate goal! snore. I do it all day long, I've dont it a million times for myself. So I kept thinking what direction could I go? What would make me really takes these steps I am so bored with so I could actually not be on a weight loss journey for a minute??!! So I got frustrated with Mike, he did it for 3 days for aboubt 2 weeks and it was great, the accountability meant something to me, I've asked a friend and considered asking one of the guys at work, and then it dawned on me. Hey, nobody can do this for you but you. So back to you, hey, you get what you give and you do exactly what you are willing to do. We all do. So then I finally put in the Joyce Meyer CD that LeAnn loaned me about confident women. And it was all about how if you are doing something and it sees like you just 'can't' then maybe you are not ready yet. You will be enabled to do what it is you seek when you are ready. The struggle you are currently in serves you or someone else somehow, so work on your strengths and do your best and rest assured that when you are ready, the other things will come.Now THAT is some food for thought. Then right after that, there is a big old part about how if you are trying to accomplish somethng to impress others then you are doomed. And that hit home. I just did a big exercise with one of my clients about how every one of her reasons for doing this was rooted in what others thought and how others percieved her. She has to do it for her or it ain't getting done. I locked her in my office after her workout and made her write an essay instead of do her cardio. So that is a common theme and I am heeding the message. That reminded me to do this for me, stop fretting and just realize I can do it and I will. It's serving it's purpose. I relate and help my clients on a different level (so they tell me) and its all rooted in my ability to relate to them from having this ongoing struggle. It is so simple, when I REEEAAALLLLLY want it for me, I will do it. No struggling, no whining. I'll just do it. It just boils down to wanting it for yourself badly enough.
I kind of started finding my mojo again, Mike and I did a "duathlon" yesterday where we biked 5 miles including this quarter mile hill from hell and then ran 2 and half in a ravine that is either going up or coming down... Needless to say i slept good last night and it felt so good to have a good hard workout under my belt.
OK, middle bedroom is calling. I better hustle.
So I am where I am.
Business is good, I have very good feelings about it and some cool plans for my team next week. Our first month was great. I measure our success based on our 3 objectives as a team--Number one, we are changing lives through fitness. That has always been my goal. Number 2, we did make some money...well, let me reword that: We cleared all operating expenses our first month. And three, we are having fun. It is getting more fun each week, but this one we could work on. The last 2 weeks we've has some awesome energy in there. Two clients came to me and used those exact words, and said it was a very positive place to be. That is a dream come true for me. I also have 2 trainers who are dying to join our team and they are qualified, we just need to discuss them at our meeting next week. It is shaping up to be exactly how I dreamed it would be. Long way to go but I see it unfolding.
Life is good, we are totally extended financially with my income and our savings having been invested in the gym and I have lots of debt now (I was debt free before) but I just look at it like assets. The fact that it is not conusmption debt, rather investment in actual things makes it an asset in my mind so I fret less. The balance in the check book makes me nuts tho, I like lots of cushion and its a concrete floor at the moment.
Ellen is perfect, communicative, growing, thriving, adorable, etc.
Mike is the same. He is a great help mate, husband, and all the things I ever wanted. I adore him more every day...
And then that leaves fitness. So I lost my mojo and I was fine with it. It is nice when you quit working against yourself and just admit...hey, I am doing what I am willing to do, so it makes sense to just accept the result. You get what you give. The problem is that has resulted in some lost fitness and a weight gain and I miss my old body. So I am so bored with the whole rally the troops! yawn. make a plan! did somebody say something? commit and set daily goals to reach the ultimate goal! snore. I do it all day long, I've dont it a million times for myself. So I kept thinking what direction could I go? What would make me really takes these steps I am so bored with so I could actually not be on a weight loss journey for a minute??!! So I got frustrated with Mike, he did it for 3 days for aboubt 2 weeks and it was great, the accountability meant something to me, I've asked a friend and considered asking one of the guys at work, and then it dawned on me. Hey, nobody can do this for you but you. So back to you, hey, you get what you give and you do exactly what you are willing to do. We all do. So then I finally put in the Joyce Meyer CD that LeAnn loaned me about confident women. And it was all about how if you are doing something and it sees like you just 'can't' then maybe you are not ready yet. You will be enabled to do what it is you seek when you are ready. The struggle you are currently in serves you or someone else somehow, so work on your strengths and do your best and rest assured that when you are ready, the other things will come.Now THAT is some food for thought. Then right after that, there is a big old part about how if you are trying to accomplish somethng to impress others then you are doomed. And that hit home. I just did a big exercise with one of my clients about how every one of her reasons for doing this was rooted in what others thought and how others percieved her. She has to do it for her or it ain't getting done. I locked her in my office after her workout and made her write an essay instead of do her cardio. So that is a common theme and I am heeding the message. That reminded me to do this for me, stop fretting and just realize I can do it and I will. It's serving it's purpose. I relate and help my clients on a different level (so they tell me) and its all rooted in my ability to relate to them from having this ongoing struggle. It is so simple, when I REEEAAALLLLLY want it for me, I will do it. No struggling, no whining. I'll just do it. It just boils down to wanting it for yourself badly enough.
I kind of started finding my mojo again, Mike and I did a "duathlon" yesterday where we biked 5 miles including this quarter mile hill from hell and then ran 2 and half in a ravine that is either going up or coming down... Needless to say i slept good last night and it felt so good to have a good hard workout under my belt.
OK, middle bedroom is calling. I better hustle.
