The Inkling...

After my Mom suddenly died 55 yrs young, I journaled every morning over coffee. When I filled a complete notebook, it represented my life in a Nutshell, which felt "Nuts" at the time. 

Writing is an armor against what is bothering you, a "shell" of sorts. So I entertained myself by flipping that journal over and writing "the Nutshell" on the front...I found it so clever I named the second notebook I filled "The Nutshell, Volume 2". Sometimes you feel like a Nut...

After over 100s of readers from yesterdays post and so many sweet notes, I was touched in  a positive way and it reminded me of some of the responses I got from the online journal I kept for years.  I stopped and thought about how I just had the urge to share what was I was thinking but didn't really know why or what the purpose was until I finished writing.  I never do.  I always write what comes out then write the title because I typically don't start out with a "point"...its just a thought, an inkling, if you will.

Ooooo, inkling.  Thats a good name for a journal.

I never never never make time to write anymore.  It occurred to me last night that its probably one of the biggest overlooked changes I've made in the last 7 years.  And yesterday I decided that was a problem.  There has been something missing for me and this is it.  As soon as I decided I was going to commit to writing again it was like an elephant was lifted off my chest.  I instantly felt so good I decided that I would write everyday-or close to it-what I wanted and when I wanted and it would be a priority. For me.  Then the fear hit, because I am honest and transparent to a fault and I started thinking about how I'd have to edit myself for fear of being judged and then here comes the elephant back on my chest.  So I fought it and decided, concretely, I would be real.  

No elephant.  So, good choice.

But then I thought I bet everyone has something that they absolutely love and don't take time to do. Wouldn't that be cool if we all decided to fearlessly listen to and follow what we feel is right and with total faith, not worry about the outcome?

Im curious to see what the outcome of doing this for me will be.  How will filling an order I feel like has been given to me from the powers that be will improve or change my relationships, my parenting, my daily habits, my approach and results in my goals.  It did occur to me that I think a lot of people are like me.  My theory is thats why we all like facebook.  The posters like me are just writers, that is what we love to do.  We all have millions of thoughts everyday, most of them subconscious.  But I can't help but feel that when God lined us up and gave our minds all their gears he gave mine an extra crank as my friend would say.  It just goes really fast.  My mind is always writing, its unstoppable.  And it gives me clarity.  I fall into an easy flow when I am writing that I've read is an indicator some believe that its what you are supposed to be doing.

I look back and I was a voracious note passer in school.  I wrote all the time in journals, sometimes staying up late.  I thought about what I could write later all the time.  My mind analyzes and thinks about things constantly, and writing gives that some order.  Plus I have this urge to get it out, so I can think.  Is everyone that way?  Did I inherit this?  It seems like, looking back, its part of my fabric.

And, it just flat out makes me happy.  I wonder what others have as their itch they need to scratch and how scratching it makes a difference.  I will be writing as close to everyday as I can so I look forward to learning what all is on this road.