I will say if you don't journal. You should journal. In your mind if you just nodded your head and mini-rolled your eyes and thought I know I know, I can tell you won't but here is the thing. I journal here on this blog and don't publish so for fun I went and read the unpublished journals here since my last real post and it was illuminating... imagine being internally illuminated. Its like it shines a light on and neatly clarifies you to yourself. Its a calming, GROUNDING, reassuring experience for me. I think for everyone.
SO today, the log will will be not so much the activities of the day (althought that was cleaning the house, cooking, working and taking care of a sick 5th grade girl who really is a champ about it but feels pretty rotten) - but a log of the thoughts of the day.
For a LOOONG time to me, its felt like limbo. Im no longer running from the bear that would eat me if I didn't prove myself. If I wasn't successful. If I didn't achieve. And its not a bad place, but its a new one and Im a little fish-out-of-water. Its a new skill to have space.
It means time and energy freed up. So what do I do. Well for one, I become a lazier, funnier (I think) version of myself. And Im all about home-making again. And not decorating. Like cleaning the house and making homemade cleaners and making dinners and menus every night. I don't even know what that is about but maybe its about taking care of people and slowing down to speed up.
Lots more I can say about literally changing my identity from something I took from an idea to a "thing"...didn't build on or anyone. And so it was kinda like what I think leaving one body behind and jumping in a new body feels like. I've been literally figuring out this new person I am.
That brings me to "Day 46" .. when you own a gym and are the engine for the gym and for the supplement business you also have, you are always thinking fitness and more importantly "BE THE EXAMPLE"..which is honorable, but also exhausting and to be honest, not realistic. So after I achieved my goal of competing, I knew what was possible and I knew I didn't want to live there so I had nothing left to prove and therefore set out about seeing what life was like if your decisions weren't constantly governed by "BEING THE EXAMPLE"... IT WAS FUN! And then it was inconvenient. Things like energy and clothes and comfort become an issue so now Im choosing to return to a great energetic version of myself for me (which I was always for for myself first but driven and fueled by the near scorch intensity of needing to be an example)...so this is back to living without concern for what others need more than what I need.
Back to being about taking care of me and my family and that is what drew people to follow to begin with. Putting first things first and designing a life was the passion that drove me when I started Anna Smith Training Company in the basement across the street. I was the most happy in those early years.
So this is getting back to me. I will forever be grateful to AdvoCare for giving me the SPACE to shed old skin and return to this new skin. Something I read earlier was:
"Most of us are trying to be the way we think we have to be to get respect, love, money, success, etc. But its not about changing who we are. The change actually comes when you BE YOURSELF"
And that is TRUE.
So today I walked around the block and did some heavy deadlifts, and rows with the sandbag and walking lunges. Broken up in 15 minutes here, 5 here and 20 minutes there. Thats a long way from planned recorded workouts with elaborate pre and post workout nutrition and personal bests etc of days gone by. IT was just something for my body to adapt to. And I kept my promise to do it so I feel strong.
Meals are so easy. Shake or protein pancakes in the am. Leftovers for lunch. A bar, apple or shake for snack and then one of my menu items. Tonight it was cilantro crockpot chicken! I grabbed some low carb tortiallas and we put full fat cheese on there and BAM! I have leftover chicken for tomorrow... will eat with cheese for a no carb lunch Im sure. Again, its got to be easy or Im not doing it!
Cilantro Southwest Chicken
3 tbsp Fresh cilantro
Taco seasoning
Salsa (I had none so that is 4 campari tomatoes and a 1/4 onion with a spoon of garlic)
Lime juice (I had none so lemon it was!)
Combine in crockpot
Add chicken breast (We use organic)
mix to coat
High for 4 hours or low for 6 to 8.
OK, and I haven't mentioned - Ellen Rose and I are joining 2 other families of a Norwegian Cruise to Bahamas and British Virgin Islands and Tortola April 1st.
So thats all I got and for those that know me well, this is for you. Wine, and cats and a scarf.
I am complete.
~Anna
