I have received texts, DMs, comments and calls and I have heard a resonating theme. Their pain was deeper than they shared and so they related. And did not feel so alone. Mission Accomplished.
The secondary mission was accomplished as well. For me, writing this narrative was 100% necessary. It was my mind's way of making sense of what had happened and giving it a permanent place, so that I could actually leave it behind me, begin writing and processing the new and fresh ideas for life.
Sometimes I minimize my pain and want to hide it and then I do things like this that hang it out for the world to see. For some reason the hiding it makes it unbearable, even tho I so desperately want to act as if its not there. And sometimes I do. This was my way of owning it. Of acknowledging it.
Its been almost 2 years since Dad died. And I never thought I'd say this but I am experiencing massive excitement for the future. Finding JOY was my focus for 2019 but it was intermittent. Now the joy is the norm. And with that joy comes excitement and ideas for me, for our family, for work, for my life and a huge hope for the future. In many ways I am actually better.
I have left people pleasing and striving ambition behind. I see now those things are not only unhealthy, but dependent on me being a certain way and I can't control that. I am human. I appreciate those who didn't need me to be a certain way (upbeat! motivating! adding value! productive! happy!) in order to see value in me and stay just as connected while I walked the darkest time in my entire life as they were prior to it. Some people supported me more! I endeavor to be like those people.
In addition to rebuilding my physical self and having PRs nearly every week (YAY!!!!), I am reading and soaking up every moment of joy with my family and our future plans. I have a totally different perspective on the work - life balance. Im clearer than ever on what I want and what I don't want. All of it is a gift. I can't say (and I wont say to sound like it puts a nice bow on the story) that any of it was worth losing Dad. But I can say there is, after all, some good things that have come to me from it.
I also have some great content swirling in my head for anyone who finds value as far as sales and entrepreneurship. I have business improvement systems I want to try for my own business. All of it exciting and a something I feel lucky to have the chance to do: create and serve and experiment, all a huge challenge, for a living.
The next chapter will prove to be nothing short of interesting.
Thanks to all who are here for joining me on this ride!
I expect things to only get better from here.
oxoxoxo,
Anna
PS: Along this journey, I tried lots and LOTS of things to get out of pain, lose weight, improve my mental health, regain clarity and more. Comment on FB or IG (whatever lead you here) if you'd be interested in that summary of products and processes that worked for me.
PPS:
Here is the last picture I took with dad on our weekly jaunt here and there. This was 2 years ago this month. He was suddenly gone about a month later. I am committed to honoring him (and Mom) in this next chapter! WATCH OUT!
