Day 33 {Signs}

...do you believe in signs?

...do you pay attention enough to see them?

Over the past few weeks - this topic of signs was been planted in my brain by some Facebook posts and then also some personal face to face conversations - so I was like wow that was a coincidence.  Or was it?  Nah....  that was a SIGN.  Right?  No.  Could be.  Decidedly Undecisive :)

But it made me ask myself if I believe in signs and the newer more faithful (less controlling and fearful) version of me was able to say yes, I believe in signs.  From there I had my eyes open.

Then ~  in the past week on 4 separate unrelated cases I had THE EXACT SAME thing spoken into me by people who came into (or back into) my life about exactly the path I was supposed to take and I was thankful to for the heads up to be aware of signs.  The confirmation and message is clear and a big fat arrow guiding me down the path I was already heading.  It was a reminder of what I should do for others and what I have to give...even if I feel uncomfortable and question myself and have enjoyed the safety of not doing it - not putting myself out there and conserving the energy of trying.

I believe everyone has their thing.  Their thing that blesses others and the people around the love and nobody can mimic.  I also believe its like a young magician learning to "control" or harness their power once they realize they have it.  And there are mistakes, mishaps, misuses and consequences of all of that can be discouraging from enjoying sharing that gift.  No idea if that made sense.  But for me, its been 100% true.

The other side of the sign is that when you "Step Out In Faith" to hone your craft and REFINE so there are less mistakes, mishaps, and misuses - you will fail and you will face obstacles, judgement and ridicule.  Ini there words --- there is a large energy cost.  Also why I believe most people would rather just dead man float down the lazy river of life and let the undertow just drag them through their life.  To navigate away from that current is at times exhausting and absolutely required if you want to share your unique gift!   In my highest times of conviction, those things (rejection, energy drain, obstacles) were just fuel.

But between me and you (yes the intimacy of the entire internet) I often crash into intense lows after these high performing times of conviction and fight.  And I turn to flight.  So my new mature, faithful, "version" wants to embark on doing what I feel I am best at, contribute the most, enjoy the success and value added to others and myself and family ..  to swim against the current and refine my craft and reach for the highest cause and highest experience of life ... but without the crash.  I want the yin without the yang and that is not possible.

And that is where this season has led me.  So many people - if not all people - I believe are driven by a need to be themselves, to bring their uniques gift to the table of life and to do that in work and personal life in some form.  I know this.  So hopefully someone will resonate with this and also be encouraged if they share my beliefs and experience.

Just keep swimming :)  And follow the signs.

Day 43-38 (Q and A)

I thought it would be fun to post a few common Q and A's.  We did FaceBook LIVE Q and A with our business team _--> HEY SMITH CHAMPIONS!!! <---  and in our customer group!  So -

1)  How do you feel now that you are not a gym owner? (MOST COMMON!!!)

That is easy!  MIXED!  Guilty but not sad.  A little relieved.  Somewhat left out but I think that is just because I have trouble with seasons even when they are good because truth be told I don't want to be in a gym, with loud music and my heart is not to write training programs anymore.  Relieved because I wasn't doing a great job and I *HATE* that feeling.  I worked hard to build a great name and I didn't want to tarnish that by continuing to push a square peg in a round hole anymore.   I even attempted to give it my 110% and for something I was once so gifted at, when my 110% did not create progress and benefit others ~ I KNEW it was my time to go serve somewhere else!  So I am very much enjoying life and SPACE and less responsibility.   And a sense that I am making a difference and an impact on others, and learning how to be my best version of ME in the process.  Namely having the ability to work on myself to be sure Im giving the VERY BEST I CAN BE to Ellen and Mike and my team!!!

2)  Is Ellen Rose 11 now?

YES!  And she's a young eleven which I love and says "I don't wanna grow up" which I LOVE!  She is funny and witty like her dad and shy like I used to be.  She's smart but doesn't love school.  She is very forgiving and assumes the best from others.  She is hyper sensitive and loves very hard.  I know life in that skin and it won't be the easiest especially to continue to believe in people and their intentions. She also loves to cook!  Which is cool and we are going to let her try a horse lesson soon.   She LOVES music and cats and is starting to value her friends more and more but as she said this weekend "Mom, you and Daddy are my favorite 2 people".    As it should be, baby girl.  As it should be.

3) What is next?  

Being present is next!  Working on me is next!  I want to dream big and have a big fun life but don't want to be so focused on building whats ahead that i don't find BIG JOY in every day with my people.  I have a *great* inner circle.  They know who they are because I talk about them to each other.  I don't like a lot of sorta friends.  I like a few high quality - make-me-better friends and I have them.   I would not change a thing!

Day 44 (Word(s) of the Day)

Im a professional kick boxer in a stay at home mom's body.

I truly love to box.  I have never found someone to train me since I fell in love with it 20 years ago since my good friend Ben Groom did it for me and many of our clients.  Most women who get to train boxing 1 on 1 are hooked for life.  Now that I am a little tired of lifting and traditional cardio - when my favorite person Rosalyn Powell said she was interested in this new small joint called 9Round was opening, we went for it. Its inexpensive and you get free pink gloves when you sign up and there are hanging bags everywhere.  Im in!  

So 44 days away from the West Caribbean and I am more excited about BOXING again than anything.  Excited to be so out of shape that I get to SUCK at it so bad...that I will be obsessed with going back.  I love to work, to fight (pun intended).  And its not always in me to go hard in the paint anymore like it used to be, that is for sure, but add great music and boxing gloves and Im all about it.

Also had a great lesson with Ellen today about money.  About the decisions you make with it and had a great time helping her think about how to spend some of her own as I had to drag her with me to grab something and it presented the opportunity to help her think through something she wanted. Got me thinking about homeschooling again.  Being able to teach her and pour into her about LIFE while we do the reading writing and arithmetic...  She said she would rather go to school but when seeds are planted that I personally are appalled at, I know where its coming from.  So, I honor them by not burying them deeper.  Not in a hurry to homeschool, but its the very LAST thing I ever wanted to do and its coming up.  And my words for the year are (in order) OBEDIENCE, HUMILITY, and SERVICE.  Therefore, I have to listen so I can.....obey.

Now, outside of that, work is phenomenal.  Im so excited about what is on the horizon for our teammates and for life this year.  I had an awesome call with a friend I think will be blessed beyond his wildest dreams. I then spent a lovely afternoon in the house helping Ellen with homework and taking care of her and out of the house running some fun errands in this gorgeous weather.  Stocked up on all sorts of fun add-ons for samples I am mailing out to build my business and reach even more people and even picked up a new thing or 2 for the office, which is coming along so nicely.  

I could have spent $2000 in TJ Maxx HomeGooks, but escaped for a few bucks less given I have investment goals and plenty of time to buy 7 new totes adorbs accent tables. ha!

And now cooking (for the very first time) Fettuccine Carbonara from scratch.  I will add last night's leftover shredded crockpot chicken and reduce my serving to hit those goals but a little pasta won't kill me since I've had no carbs to speak of today.  Balance.  Should be my 4th word! LOL

In obedience, humility and service,

Anna

PS- I think there is a problem with my counter.  I don't think I even have that many friends must less readers for these last few posts.  But if that many people are reading... please forgive my lack of interesting content, perfect grammar, etc.  I am doing this because of that word of the year thing!  OBEDIENCE :)

Day 45 (Carrots and Frogs)

"Thank you for taking care of me while I have been sick"

"WHAT??"

(she repeated) and she came in for a big snuggly-hug.  At which point I started stuttering and sniffling and telling her how much I enjoyed it and love being her Mama, not sure what to say really.  I mean even when your kids do the RIGHT thing you really aren't are how to feel or what to say, I mean you are shaping a HUMAN - and EVERYTHING they do is a first so its like tons of pressure and zero experience all rolled up and rolled out in little rolls of the dice every day so you really aren't sure what you are going to get.

And there are not rules to the game. And you are blindfolded.  On a unicorn.  You get it.

And - I was astounded.  No idea where she got this from I never would have thought to do that.

And I won't lie, she could talk the tail off a billy goat and wiggles nonstop even while watching a movie and running a fever.  And lets don't forget the constant mouth breathing.  Bless it.  OR asking me 45 (irony) back to back questions only to totally ignore me when I decide to go ahead and start a conversation to escape the interrogation...

So what does that have to do with 45 or a carrot?  Well I think carrot because we booked a special mommy-daughter cruise to the British VI, Bahamas, and Tortola since Mike will still be in the fire academy in 45 days with 2 other families we really love!  And having a painful image of not enjoying that once in a lifetime event with my daughter is important enough that I now want some physically improvement, finally.  And I miss feeling strong. So that improvement is my carrot.  Like a horse chasing a carrot in a race.  Im moving forward based on that reward in the future.

Coincidentally, I also want to travel every quarter and a trip to Punta Mita, Mexico is on the horizon for November and that is a carrot for me professionally because its being offered to top performers in our company.

So I juggled mothering, power - chilling with Ellen, ran errands, and the top 3 "frogs" (See Brian Tracy Eat the Frog for that context) for those 2 carrots and had dinner with my people, read a book with them and even cleaned my house.  Didn't cook tonight.  Leftovers made more sense.

SO! Thats all I got:)

Hope everyone else is eating frogs and chasing carrots today;)
~Anna
PS...Oh yeah, and since I've been planning menus and making dinner every night Ellen reached out and grabbed my hand and said "Hey Mom your like a real live stay at home Mom now!  You make dinner and EVERYTHING"  I had no comment.

Day 46 (Space.)

So much to say and nothing to say.  As is the conundrum of most blogs yes?! LOL But seriously, first thank you for all who swung by yesterday when I announced this.  I can see by the numbers and I appreciate the support and response.  I have no intentions of solving the world's, or your,  problems (in this blog). Blogs are WEB LOGS...just a log of something you keep on the web.  Its tempting to turn them onto our personal advice columns but truly that is not my intention.  Even though I admit its odd to me to keep a log of my life for others to see.  Yet, here we are.

I will say if you don't journal.  You should journal.  In your mind if you just nodded your head and mini-rolled your eyes and thought I know I know, I can tell you won't but here is the thing.  I journal here on this blog and don't publish so for fun I went and read the unpublished journals here since my last real post and it was illuminating... imagine being internally illuminated.  Its like it shines a light on and neatly clarifies you to yourself.  Its a calming, GROUNDING, reassuring experience for me.  I think for everyone.

SO today, the log will will be not so much the activities of the day (althought that was cleaning the house, cooking, working and taking care of a sick 5th grade girl who really is a champ about it but feels pretty rotten) - but a log of the thoughts of the day.

For a LOOONG time to me, its felt like limbo.  Im no longer running from the bear that would eat me if I didn't prove myself.  If I wasn't successful.  If I didn't achieve.  And its not a bad place, but its a new one and Im a little fish-out-of-water.  Its a new skill to have space.

It means time and energy freed up. So what do I do.  Well for one, I become a lazier, funnier (I think) version of myself.  And Im all about home-making again.  And not decorating.   Like cleaning the house and making homemade cleaners and making dinners and menus every night.  I don't even know what that is about but maybe its about taking care of people and slowing down to speed up.

Lots more I can say about literally changing my identity from something I took from an idea to a "thing"...didn't build on or anyone.  And so it was kinda like what I think leaving one body behind and jumping in a new body feels like.  I've been literally figuring out this new person I am.

That brings me to "Day 46" .. when you own a gym and are the engine for the gym and for the supplement business you also have, you are always thinking fitness and more importantly "BE THE EXAMPLE"..which is honorable, but also exhausting and to be honest, not realistic.   So after I achieved my goal of competing, I knew what was possible and I knew I didn't want to live there so I had nothing left to prove and therefore set out about seeing what life was like if your decisions weren't constantly governed by "BEING THE EXAMPLE"... IT WAS FUN!  And then it was inconvenient.  Things like energy and clothes and comfort become an issue so now Im choosing to return to a great energetic version of myself for me (which I was always for for myself first but driven and fueled by the near scorch intensity of needing to be an example)...so this is back to living without concern for what others need more than what I need.

Back to being about taking care of me and my family and that is what drew people to follow to begin with.  Putting first things first and designing a life was the passion that drove me when I started Anna Smith Training Company in the basement across the street.  I was the most happy in those early years.

So this is getting back to me.  I will forever be grateful to AdvoCare for giving me the SPACE to shed old skin and return to this new skin.  Something I read earlier was:

"Most of us are trying to be the way we think we have to be to get respect, love, money, success, etc.  But its not about changing who we are.  The change actually comes when you BE YOURSELF"

And that is TRUE.

So today I walked around the block and did some heavy deadlifts, and rows with the sandbag and walking lunges.  Broken up in 15 minutes here, 5 here and 20 minutes there.   Thats a long way from planned recorded workouts with elaborate pre and post workout nutrition and personal bests etc of days gone by.  IT was just something for my body to adapt to.  And I kept my promise to do it so I feel strong.

Meals are so easy.  Shake or protein pancakes in the am.  Leftovers for lunch.  A bar, apple or shake for snack and then one of my menu items.  Tonight it was cilantro crockpot chicken!  I grabbed some low carb tortiallas and we put full fat cheese on there and BAM!  I have leftover chicken for tomorrow... will eat with cheese for a no carb lunch Im sure.  Again, its got to be easy or Im not doing it!

Cilantro Southwest Chicken
3 tbsp Fresh cilantro
Taco seasoning
Salsa (I had none so that is 4 campari tomatoes and a 1/4 onion with a spoon of garlic)
Lime juice (I had none so lemon it was!)

Combine in crockpot
Add chicken breast (We use organic)
mix to coat

High for 4 hours or low for 6 to 8.

OK, and I haven't mentioned - Ellen Rose and I are joining 2 other families of a Norwegian Cruise to Bahamas and British Virgin Islands and Tortola April 1st.  

So thats all I got and for those that know me well, this is for you.  Wine, and cats and a scarf.

I am complete.

~Anna

47 days to go

Countdown starts here tomorrow.
Join the conversation.
See you HERE!